Seeking

On an airplane, I prefer the aisle seat. The flight was three hours, so I appreciated stretching my legs into the aisle. The seats get closer together on every flight. Soon, they will be bench seats or maybe only handrails like on a train.

We are so close together that it is hard not to be a part of the story of everyone around me. The person in a row up and across the aisle from me flicked through the catalog of movies. He narrated to his wife the movie options he found interesting. Eventually, the options narrowed down to three, but could not decide. He grumped aloud about this struggle of making a choice. It was hard to ignore the situation. I didn’t need a movie. I was invested in this character.

Once our flight took off, he chose something. About 30 minutes into the movie, he started skipping ahead. Every 3 to 5 minutes, he used the touch screen slider bar to skip ahead in the film. By the end of the first hour, he had blitzed through the first movie. He resumed flicking through the choices and grabbed his second choice.

I thought he’d grown tired of the first one and just moved on. The pattern continued in the second one. He watched for a couple of minutes, then fast-forwarded. Rapidly scanning, he made it through the second movie in 45 minutes. He vacantly clicked on his third choice. He continued jerking through the movie like a foot on the gas and the brake. Watching, skipping, watching, and skipping. It was the speed-reading version of movie watching. As we landed, he proclaimed his pride. He didn’t have to choose after all. He watched (his word, but not how I’d describe it) all three movies.

By choosing all the movies, he truly chose none of them. It seemed he was more interested in having seen the movie than wanting to watch the movie. I suppose I can relate to that—I want to know how to play the guitar, but I have no interest in learning to play the guitar. When I become too fixated on the goal, I fast-forward through the good, valuable, and important parts, just trying to reach the end. But the end is never satisfying without appreciating the path there. Assuming there even is an end.

All of my choices are a trade-off, am I paying attention to both sides of the trade? Have I chosen nothing by choosing everything? Do I fast-forward through the good bits of life in rapid pursuit of an unrewarding finish line?

Be curious, be kind, be whole, do good things.